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| My first time trying the route, 3 years ago. |
Sometimes you've got to bite the curb. I sent Death of a Cowboy by headlamp, late on Haloween, with my friend John Collis. This is my first 5.13 in the creek and my first .13- redpoint on trad gear. Behind the fallacy of difficulty as objective or numerical, my subjective experience was that of prolonged beatdown. I have .5 sized fingers and despite some wear to the crack this still climbed like a tips crack roof for me. It goes through multiple changing corners and roofs with a short and painful crux. Afterward 100 feet of overhanging hand crack is the reward. Lisa Gnade and Steve Petro are Wyoming climbers and put up some of the best hard cracks in the west. I'm psyched to do one of their routes and one of the best cracks in the creek. Quite a few to go...
I lost a good friend on Haloween years ago. He was trying to break up a fight on his front porch and got hit in the temple. In a senseless act of violence he was gone. His name was Joe McGowan. Since then I haven't celebrated this holiday. For years I haven't gone out, gotten drunk, worn costumes, or raised hell in the way youre apparently supposed to on this most unholy of holidays. It wasn't really a conscious decision, I just realized after a few years that I hadn't wanted to. By all accounts this should be my favorite holiday. I have always loved creepy, occult, discomforting shit. I believe thethings that make you uncomfortable are the things where the most self-discovery and growth are to be found.
I lost a good friend on Haloween years ago. He was trying to break up a fight on his front porch and got hit in the temple. In a senseless act of violence he was gone. His name was Joe McGowan. Since then I haven't celebrated this holiday. For years I haven't gone out, gotten drunk, worn costumes, or raised hell in the way youre apparently supposed to on this most unholy of holidays. It wasn't really a conscious decision, I just realized after a few years that I hadn't wanted to. By all accounts this should be my favorite holiday. I have always loved creepy, occult, discomforting shit. I believe thethings that make you uncomfortable are the things where the most self-discovery and growth are to be found.
Every year I came to the creek I tried this route at least once. It gave me an enormous beat down in 2014. I started just before dark and forgot a headlamp. I had to tag one up after dogging the crux. I spent some time dejected, hanging on the rope with my shoes half off, blind and in the dark.
The next year I was able to try it a couple of times and do all the moves, but placing the gear proved difficult and no-one seemed interested in spending a day at scarface after that, despite the long stint I had in the creek that fall I only spent two hours at the route.
This year, I've made it through the worst year of my life. serious injuries through no fault of my own, broken bones, betrayals and erosion of trust. The disintegration of relationships, an endless depression, and total hopelessness seemed to crescendo right as my physical body was the most fucked up. I wouldn't wish a year like this upon anyone else, ever. Right when I thought I was the most broken, something else would happen, something unthinkable. And after that something else would hit, something unspeakable. It took a while, but I overcame because I had no choice. In a moment of catharsis I burned every last thing she ever wrote me and made the decision to move on and stop feeling bad for myself. Despite spending time in casts, boots, neck braces, and all manner of other bullshit, I worked through the physical therapy. And after the last two injuries I got creative, finding ways to train anyway. Every time it seems like too much work. returning to form involving too much pain. you lose faith in your ability to heal. But it happens anyway. I was breaking new ground in training almost immediately, finding new PRs in every cycle. I got into woodworking last year and built a crack machine. And this fall I built a campus board and some portable hangboards. I'll post some info on this later. All year I've doubled down on studying physics. The only way to fight entropy creeping in was to work harder at everything. And I had to fight the tendency toward bitterness that this life seems to give us. Despite being so full of hate, I found ways to express love.
When I sent this route it was a relief and not a surprise. I worked hard on it this year, giving probably 6 goes this fall and 11 in the last three years. I sent a V8/9 tips crack /seam in the summer, so the raw power was there, I just needed to keep it together for a link. It's a beautiful crack and I'm thankful that people got out to support me on it and kept the spirits up, even when I lost faith in myself.
The Dusk In Us lyrics:
And at night they come, when protectors are gone
Not in waves, but in shadows
Prancing on the wall, creeping up the bed
It's there they thrive and nest within
Dear frightened little boy, it's time to rise above all of their noise
Ghosts are merely shadows, you are flesh and bone
The grudge does not have regrets when there is no past to forget
Our denial it speaks in tongues, there's monsters among us
And at dawn they'll go with the last shred of hope
Someday it'll change, or so they say
Just bide your time and try to stay alive
Revenge will come with the rising sun
Dear shattered little girl, this is not the end of your world
It's the beginning of the rest of your life where you do, or you die
It's not a trial but a test, just a broken mirror to reflect
Our denial it speaks in tongues, there's monsters among us
And at night they come, when protectors are gone
Not in waves, but in shadows
Prancing on the wall, creeping up the bed
It's there they thrive and nest within
I ask from within my heart, where did our failures start
If we must imagine ourselves as someone, somewhere else
And what does the future hold, if we're running low on health and hope
Our denial it speaks in tongues, there's monsters among us
Dusk lives within us
Dusk lives within us
Darkness won't give up
Darkness won't give up
Dusk lives within us
Dusk lives within us
Darkness won't give up
Darkness won't give up
Dusk in us
Dusk in us
Dusk in us
Dusk in us
Arkhipov Calm
Vasili Arkhipov is someone we should all be familiar with. If not for his actions, it is likely that none of us would be alive. During the Cuban missile crisis, he cast the one dissenting vote onboard an isolated Soviet nuclear submarine, preventing a nuclear strike against the US Navy which would have precipitated all out nuclear war.
Fresh faced oligarch we have grown far apart
My arkhipov calm will serve me in due time
The next year I was able to try it a couple of times and do all the moves, but placing the gear proved difficult and no-one seemed interested in spending a day at scarface after that, despite the long stint I had in the creek that fall I only spent two hours at the route.
This year, I've made it through the worst year of my life. serious injuries through no fault of my own, broken bones, betrayals and erosion of trust. The disintegration of relationships, an endless depression, and total hopelessness seemed to crescendo right as my physical body was the most fucked up. I wouldn't wish a year like this upon anyone else, ever. Right when I thought I was the most broken, something else would happen, something unthinkable. And after that something else would hit, something unspeakable. It took a while, but I overcame because I had no choice. In a moment of catharsis I burned every last thing she ever wrote me and made the decision to move on and stop feeling bad for myself. Despite spending time in casts, boots, neck braces, and all manner of other bullshit, I worked through the physical therapy. And after the last two injuries I got creative, finding ways to train anyway. Every time it seems like too much work. returning to form involving too much pain. you lose faith in your ability to heal. But it happens anyway. I was breaking new ground in training almost immediately, finding new PRs in every cycle. I got into woodworking last year and built a crack machine. And this fall I built a campus board and some portable hangboards. I'll post some info on this later. All year I've doubled down on studying physics. The only way to fight entropy creeping in was to work harder at everything. And I had to fight the tendency toward bitterness that this life seems to give us. Despite being so full of hate, I found ways to express love.
When I sent this route it was a relief and not a surprise. I worked hard on it this year, giving probably 6 goes this fall and 11 in the last three years. I sent a V8/9 tips crack /seam in the summer, so the raw power was there, I just needed to keep it together for a link. It's a beautiful crack and I'm thankful that people got out to support me on it and kept the spirits up, even when I lost faith in myself.
The Dusk In Us lyrics:
And at night they come, when protectors are gone
Not in waves, but in shadows
Prancing on the wall, creeping up the bed
It's there they thrive and nest within
Dear frightened little boy, it's time to rise above all of their noise
Ghosts are merely shadows, you are flesh and bone
The grudge does not have regrets when there is no past to forget
Our denial it speaks in tongues, there's monsters among us
And at dawn they'll go with the last shred of hope
Someday it'll change, or so they say
Just bide your time and try to stay alive
Revenge will come with the rising sun
Dear shattered little girl, this is not the end of your world
It's the beginning of the rest of your life where you do, or you die
It's not a trial but a test, just a broken mirror to reflect
Our denial it speaks in tongues, there's monsters among us
And at night they come, when protectors are gone
Not in waves, but in shadows
Prancing on the wall, creeping up the bed
It's there they thrive and nest within
I ask from within my heart, where did our failures start
If we must imagine ourselves as someone, somewhere else
And what does the future hold, if we're running low on health and hope
Our denial it speaks in tongues, there's monsters among us
Dusk lives within us
Dusk lives within us
Darkness won't give up
Darkness won't give up
Dusk lives within us
Dusk lives within us
Darkness won't give up
Darkness won't give up
Dusk in us
Dusk in us
Dusk in us
Dusk in us
Arkhipov Calm
Vasili Arkhipov is someone we should all be familiar with. If not for his actions, it is likely that none of us would be alive. During the Cuban missile crisis, he cast the one dissenting vote onboard an isolated Soviet nuclear submarine, preventing a nuclear strike against the US Navy which would have precipitated all out nuclear war.
Fresh faced oligarch we have grown far apart
My arkhipov calm will serve me in due time
Turbulence shakes the teeth from the chaos that you speak
With every barb that you threw, I saw you list to the side
And I won't sink with you, I have so much more to do
Promises, the lost cause, but the bones will heal in time
My arkhipov calm will serve me in due time
Fresh faced oligarch we have grown far apart
My arkhipov calm will serve me in due time
Turbulence shakes the teeth from the chaos that you speak
With every barb that you threw, I saw you list to the side
And I won't sink with you, I have so much more to do
Promises, the lost cause, but the bones will heal in time
My arkhipov calm will serve me in due time
You see the patience is a test, it separates boys from men
And my arkhipov calm will serve me in time
It's the fires that we quell that save us from our hells
It's the wars that we don't fight that keeps love alive
My arkhipov calm will serve me in due time
With every barb that you threw, I saw you list to the side
And I won't sink with you, I have so much more to do
Promises, the lost cause, but the bones will heal in time
My arkhipov calm will serve me in due time
Fresh faced oligarch we have grown far apart
My arkhipov calm will serve me in due time
Turbulence shakes the teeth from the chaos that you speak
With every barb that you threw, I saw you list to the side
And I won't sink with you, I have so much more to do
Promises, the lost cause, but the bones will heal in time
My arkhipov calm will serve me in due time
You see the patience is a test, it separates boys from men
And my arkhipov calm will serve me in time
It's the fires that we quell that save us from our hells
It's the wars that we don't fight that keeps love alive
My arkhipov calm will serve me in due time
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